| an update |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|09:19 am] |
|
i got a place to live in december and then i moved in in january. it was dusty but that easily dealt with, then when i moved in a discovered both my roommates smoked in the house, the oven and toilet dont work too well and shortly thereafter we were infested with mice. then my landlady got very very sick and was hospitalized so i decided i needed to leave. so the other day i signed a year long lease at a house thats a little further from work and smaller and the room is smaller and the bed, but its clean the lady is very nice and its a hundred dollars a month cheaper. work is good and busy but theyre kinda cheap and full time means 32-40 hours, so i rarely get 40 hours a week. thurstan is...well hes fine and were fine i guess but i have a few issues best to be discussed solely with kimmy and kara both of which i havent spoken to in about a thousand years. dont take it personal though b/c for awhile i got very depressed and a wasnt talking to any friends even the ones that live down the street. but its a little better now with the prospect of a new place to live and sunshine and flowers all over and i bought a potted hycinth for my room and and it is thriving under the influence of my green thumb. so thats the update. my life is boring a rife with boredom...and redundancy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|06:20 pm] |
|
i dont have a cd player. not any form of one. no computer, no car, no discman, no radio, nothing. i need my music back. i need it. |
|
|
| how many fuck ups can one girl have? |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
so last night thurstan decided to tell his mom i was pregnant as a joke and i of course freaked and then told his mom i had told him not to do this b/c i DIDNT WANT TO TEMPT FATE so now she can no longer pretend like we dont have sex. this is bad. then just a moment ago im sitting at this very computer and talking to the nice lady about not being able to take her place. and my purse is open in front of me and of course full of condoms when his little sister walks in and stands directly behind me until im dont so she can ask if im staying for dinner. so now she knows why i said i didnt think i could room with her.
FUCK! now ive just upset thurstan b/c he opened the door and i quickly minimized the screen in case it was tammy i didnt want her to see and fuck im tired and stressed out and im sick of trying to make everything okay. why didnt anyone tell me that you have to think about people other than yourself when youre in love? |
|
|
| my body's aching and my time is at hand |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|05:27 pm] |
|
I think I would kill myself if i was a chronic worryer. ive been so stressed out and worried for just a week and its wreaking havoc on my body, my mind, and my soul. i dont know how some people live with this shit all the time. i dont know why they dont fix it. its the worst feeling in the world im sure of it. although typing on thurstans extremely dusty keyboard may be a close second. to make a long story short my current living conditions turned sour very quickly. they were uncomfortable at best before and now just not doable at all. so im looking for a new place and not having muich luck between sky high rents mean renters and money. i already had to take out a hefty loan from the bank of papa that i hated doing and i still may not be able to make this work. and to top it all off i need to be out of the place im in by this weekend. its all i can do all day everyday not to just break down. i cant even afford food b/c i have to save every last penny for all this first last and security shit. speaking of which i have to call the one place that was nice to me and really wants me to live there and tell them i cant take thier place (too far from work and i dont have a car, too pricey, unfurnished and no laundry) so id better go do that now. i hate this shit. |
|
|
| here, there, anywhere |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bib overalls in the dryer | ] |
okay so im feeling kinda weird lately. i was originally leaving here after thanksgiving and going home for christmas then going to flight school. well flight school turned out to be a joke and my friends here were pushing me to stay. so i thought about it and had almost come to the conclusion that the whole idea was ludicrous due to money issues and the whole not being able to fly until i left in the spring. then thurstan and i decided to live together and i figured with an extra person money issues woyuldnt be as big of an issue and i could always concentrate on ground school. well now thurstan and i wont be living together which is fine, but those money issues are back. and erin and misti saw a house today thats 4 bedrooms and two kitchens and 3 bathrooms and takes dogs so theyre going to try to talk lee into saying yes to it even though its 2000 a month b/c its year round. and andrew said hed move in too to help out. then i mentioned that if mistis girls were to room together i would movve in and help out too but if thats too many people its no big deal. then erin did this weird dancing around the issue coming up with reasons me living with them wouldnt be a good idea. so whatever. i dont like living with tons of people anyway. but the thing is after i realized i wouldnt be living with thurstan this winter misti said i could move in with her and the girls since shes in the process of kicking her loser husband out on his ear. well i told her id think about it, and id pretty much figured i could do that when this whole thing went down so if she gets a house with andrew erin and lee, i cant live there, and im back to nowhere to live this winter. i talked to papa and he said i always have a place in his house even though he bulldozed my room. but i really just cant go back to shreveport again.
so im in a dilemma. i have three choices. figure something out here or buckle down and start saving to afford a tiny 600 a month apartment that may already be rented b/c its the cheapest, or live with my aunt and uncle in longview, or my cousins in atlanta. the only problem with the second two is transportation. i dont have a car and they both live in out of the way places where id need one to get to and from whatever minimum wage job i find. here i could just suck it up and buy a bike second hand and be able to get anywhere on island easy even in winter with enough clothes and theres always the bus. but i dont like being here anymore than i like shreveport. it has its perks but the bottom line is its not where im supposed to be or want to be and at this point there is now the possibility of getting stuck here and with the cost of living being so high its a worse place to get stuck than shreveport.
everyone keeps telling me i shouldnt worry about it and that i have 2 months to figure it out, but really i have about 10 days, b/c october is when all the cheap places to live are gone and youre left with shitholes and 1200 a month places.
i want my laundry to be done so i can go home a figure shit out. im off to surf the classified again. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|11:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
so i think being out of the loop sucks major donkey balls. kimmys in classes that are hard, kelly loves her sorority, and sarah has a boyfriend that isnt diddy. okay i think some serious phone time is in order. its a good thing my phone is currently charging. im off today and tomorrow and again saturday and sunday. b/c those s days i will be in new hampshire with thurstan attending the gathering of the clans. im not sure about the official title, i call it something different every time, but the gist is scottish highlander clans and international event, lots of bagpipes, and hagus. im super excited :).
this morning i was lying in my bed deciding whether i should get up or stay and sleep/read for a few more hours when i heard a really loud cracking/popping noise accompanied by a movement under my bed. now my bed sits on the ground b/c its two airmattresses stacked on top of each other so the logical explanation is one of them somehow popped. but i didnt lose any air. so i dont know, i tried investigating, but decided to get my laundry to gether and go shower instead. so i figure if one of the mattresses is deflated when i go back to my tent later i'll know thats what it was and if not ill blame it on the skunks that live under my platform. we get along the skunks and i.
i feel like theres so much i want to tell everyone. so much seems to have happened in so little a time. but i just cant seem to put it down here. thus the phone time.
OH! i talked to erin walker the other day! shes in shreveport working at micheals and going to massage therapy school. she seems happy.
so yeah i guess thats all in abby world for the time being. i need to get away from this farm for the day but i dont know where to go or what to do. the weathers kinda crappy though so i dunno. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|11:28 am] |
|
i feel like shit. run over twice. or maybe even thrice. i went to the doctors today and was invaded. not that bad though, not like a normal clinic this place wasnt. but i got some stuff i needed among which was a bottle of antibiotics for this yay fun urinary tract infection i aquired. i have a wicked bad headache and a fever for some reason. probably from freezing while i sleep. that might be a factor. maybe. i realized around 10 30 that i hadnt had any caffiene yet and that might be why the headache exists and why my whole head feels fuzzy. so i got a pepsi and downed it. then i got another..but i left it in jody's car. ill go get it in a minute. i really just want to walk back to my tent and go to sleep now that its warm and maybe itll help with the crappiness that is my body. but they told me theyre spraying pesticides on the field i live next to and that it probably wouldnt be a good idea for me to go home right this second. so i have to wait. i took some advil. maybe thatll help. and i just ate half a chicken sandwich from harrys, so maybe thatll help too. the body likes sustenance. maybe. jury's still out. i havent had any water yet today either. just realized it. ill go downstairs and pick some up when i go to jody's car to get my pepsi. then maybe ill walk home anyway. maybe. this chicken sandwich is good. too much chicken though so i pulled some off. its grilled chicken and sliced ham and grilled onions and russian dressing. chloe just said i could take a nap in her room for a bit. im going to go lie down for about an hour now then go home to my comfy bed. during the day its warm at night now it doesnt seem to mater how much clothes i wear or how many thermal blankets i have. i freeze. which is why i think i have a fever. all this freezing then rapid heating in the kitchen is getting to my immune system. plus lack of sleep from the cold. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|08:55 am] |
|
thurstan has cable on his computer and he put it on buffy so i can watch it while i look for stuff online. just thought id let yall know that my boyfriend is amazing. teehee |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|04:17 pm] |
|
kimmy i miss you and i need need need to talk to you. im just so overwhelmed and i need kimmy abby phone time. i dont know how much longer i can hold up without it. im off work tomorrow and if you call me ill put everything else on hold to talk to you so try to carve out a little time. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|10:21 am] |
so its official im definitely staying here for the winter. i'm going to be renting a house with thurstan. i know. trust me i know. the other day he saw me cry for the first time and i freaked out and wouldnt show him my face so he pinned me down and made me cuddle with him and said that he didnt give a shit if i was used to being alone when i cry b/c anytime he sees me cry hes going to get very clingy very fast and im just going to have to deal with it. then everything was better.
my mom is in the hospital. she broke her leg on tuesday and had to get surgery yesterday to put pins in her bone or something. shes in a lot of pain. send good vibes and prayers her way.
im tired. and i have to go back to work. |
|
|
| exhaustion is not my friend |
[Aug. 29th, 2005|12:52 pm] |
so my bed broke. now get your minds out of the gutter b/c im pretty sure it broke b/c of natural causes. so i got an air mattress and its all right but not good enough so i got another one and im going to duct tape them together and im putting an egg crate thingy on it too. caitlin made me the best mix of my entire life. its called rock out with your cock out 90's mix. i think some of the songs are actually from the 80s but whatever heres what i can remember is on it.
sunny came home, stay, where have all the cowboys gone, ill never get over you getting over me, i can love you like that, total eclipse of the heart, another night another dream, dont turn around, breakfast at tiffanys, smells like teen spirit, back for good, its all coming back (celine dion), i wanna be your lover, two become one, unbreak my heart, and two more but i cant remember right now b/c im too f-ing tired.
i have tomorrow and wednesday off and i need to call my flight instructor to cancel my lesson for this week b/c i need to rest i think b/c im sick and i havent been sleeping enough and what sleep ive gotten was on a broken bed. everyone pray that katrina linked heavy rains hit mv tomorrow and wednesday. its really important to me so just do it.
i think im going to be staying on island through the winter. i know. im crazy. completely. pathetic even right kimmy. but ill still be home for christmas b/c i promised lots of people i would be and itll give me a chance to get some winter-like things to bring back with me. i'm pretty sure im staying here anyway.
oh and before everyone freaks b/c i just realized i havent brought you up to date about school, ive decided that rather than spend 4 years in florida and lose 80 grand in the process im going to forgo the school idea and instead do what ive been doing and taking one lesson at a time and paying as i go. and if im here in the winter when theres no lessons to be had ill be concentrating on ground school and studying such things as aerodynamics and meteorology. i wont bore all of you with lift to drag ratios and such.
im really happy. and really very very tired so im going to muster up the energy to get away from this computer and walk the 1/4 mile to my tent so i can set up my bed and then sleep in it. or i might just get there and crash on what i have b/c im sleepy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|05:28 pm] |
|
so life on the island is mostly miserable as was expected. i work a fuckload, an easy work week where i work very little is 50 hours. a normal one is sixty and a holiday/august one is 70. but the money is good. i managed to finagle myself two days in a row off. i think its going to improve my disposition a hundred times. ive seen nearly every movie thats come to the island and i think there are going to be a whole bunch of good ones this summer which is good. i put all my money in the bank keeping only a little in my wallet to keep me in movies and books. and sometimes food, but i dont eat much these days. there just isnt that much time and books and movies are about ten times as important. i dont really hang out with my friends much b/c...well thats an issue to be written about when people arent all around me, not that its bad, just the gossip mill on this farm is fucking ridiculous. theres a boy in the kitchen this year. his name is mark hes super hot and super funny and hes jordans age which creeps me out (jordans going to be 2 decades old in a few weeks) but hes nice and keeps the tension in the kitchen down with his wise cracks and compliments to the manager. so life is pretty good i suppose. my breakdowns have ceased since the weekend of the fourth,which is good even though i expect them to pick back up in august. but well see i guess. well time to eat and shower and head to my tent for book time and sleep. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|05:26 pm] |
|
i came here to save money. i need to remember this fact everytime i begin to slip into that hopeless pit of despair that is the creepy underbelly known as martha's vineyard. last week i worked 22 hours and made nearly 300 dollars for it. yes 13 an hour is good. me not having a car and therefore an easy way of leaving the farm whenever i choose is not. but my tent is good and i stole some barn towels to use if any more puddlage occured so i wouldnt have to use my bath and beach towels. im sleepy and bored. perhaps ill convince someone to go into town with me tonight for some reason or another. i'm going to miss out on this star wars and it pisses me off. i left home before it opened and when i got here i found out the island theatres decided none of them would show it and make more money that the others or some anti-capitalistic reason along those lines. i get paid on friday and 150 of it goes to erin for her birthday in the form of a gift certificate to kaliedoscope tattoo. alright thats all ive got. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|05:51 pm] |
so the sun came out on friday. and it was wondermous. then yesterday there was a party at erins and well. it was fantastic. i havent been to a party that was so much fun in a very very long time. today i was supposed to get my tent all fixed up and luke was going to help me build a platform and erin was going to help me dry out my tent and help me set it up again. lee was going to help me drill my stakes into the wood of my platform so the wind wouldnt pull them up again. then erin was going to help me move all my stuff from the barn back to my site.
but heres what actually happened, i dried out my tent myself, moved it put it up in a different spot without a ground cloth managed to get the fly back on myself and got my tupperware stuff back in it. then i walked back to the barn where i am now. its about to rain and i have no clue how im going to lug all my shit back myself. i guess a couple trips. the fact that i can do it all myself. i can even build myself a platform later when i have time and wood, but the fact that people promised to help me today and all of them flaked out. that upsets me. it just puts me in yet another shitty headspace right before the rain comes to drown me again. |
|
|
| oh joy |
[May. 25th, 2005|09:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
so i got here and things were good i saw people i love and missed. i ate dinner with my brother and sister. i stayed in the barn the first night and saw mollie off the next day. then i went hiking with misti rae her kids erin and lee. then lee helped me set up my tent and all...but i forgot to tuck the tarp under it. so then i stayed there and it was great then i stayed again last night while it was raining and i dont think ive ever slept so well in my entire life. so then i went to work this morning and a Nor'Easter blew through. apparently a Nor'Easter is an east coast storm consisting of very high winds and crazy mad rain that lasts for days. so this afternnon after i went with jody to get her tatto erin took me to my tent to get some stuff b/c i figured id rather be inside a building during this crazy mad storm. well the winds this morning had pulled up several of my stakes making the walls of the tent press up against random things in the tent causing the rain to bleed through. so my tent was kinda flooded. and b/c id forgotten to tuck the tarp the water collected on top of it and slid under the tent making a kindof water bed effect under my feet. so i pinned things down as best i could and got the things id need the most and the things that were most wet and brought them to erins. well now im staying in the barn instead b/c theres actual beds here and id rather sleep in a bed after that ordeal than on the hard wood floor with a muddy wolf dog. and now i am just not in a good head space at all and to top it all off i'm missing american idol. the fucking finale. im pissed. but here is good. molly made chicken parm and christina made cookies both from scratch and both very good. and tonight im in molly's room and tomorrow im moving into pete's room until the storm is done and my tent is dry and i have a platform and better stakes and the stars align to make my tenting experience a positive one. great things come from rocky beginnings. so pray my tent doesnt get destroyed and that the sun comes soon soon soon. and that the stuff i left in the tupperware in my tent stays dry and okay. im already resigned to my bed getting soaked and having to dry it out in the sun when it decides to show its face. im listening to pat, pete, and molly playing cards at the table behind me and it gives me a better headspace than being in the blueberry hut with lee and erin and jean and kappy with their drugs and muddy dog and japanese comics and bead making and crazy theories. i love them, but i just cant deal with that right now. although may i just say that kappy (short for captain a nickname b/c his real name is james kirk)is fucking hilarious and i laugh at everything he does and i dont know why. not my type and im not interested in that way in case you were wondering. im into girls today and maybe for quite awhile. im just tired. this has been a very long and downer post but whatever. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2005|08:00 pm] |
|
im now on the vineyard. they got a computer with high speed internet in the barn. woot! that where i am now. i havent set up my tent yet b/c its really cold and rainy and will be until thursday. but im not going to wait too long. lee and erin have the next two days off (erin took my mondays) so theyre going to help me set it up and move in and such. and i wasnt planning on building a platform but lee explained why i need one and i cant remember why now, but it was a good reason. so hes gonna help me build one. and now im going with pat and molly (farm molly not my sister)to the liquor store for...well you know. so anyway bye! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2005|11:47 pm] |
i just got finished printing all my maps and stuff. it took longer than expected b/c i had to find just the right town in connecticut that was on the train lines, had cheaper train fare, wasnt too far of a drive from the vineyard or too much from asheville, and had a hotel that was cheap enough for us to stay two nights without breaking the bank.
end result: Darien, CT...it has a howard johnson inn right off the interstate at our exit for 98 a night for two people plus a train station that will take us to grand central round trip for only 24.50 each. total being 245. it works.
now just to convince papa to pay for it. im presenting him with this research tomorrow right before we leave so he cant say no. and even if he does well we'll be okay, but ill be really mad b/c ive had to deal with a years worth of his shit in the concentrated time of one week.
why do people like me when im a whiny spoiled brat, ive been annoying myself all week b/c i know how i must sound to the outside world. if only you knew. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2005|03:21 pm] |
i was packing last night and i set up my cot thing to make sure all the pieces were there and i fell asleep on it. its pretty comfortable. so this morning i got up and finished all my packing and went to moms house. then we went to my aunts for lunch. afterward i came home to clean my sisters room and load up the car. thats when i realized i hadnt packed my mink blanket yet. so i went on a frantic search and found nothing. so i called my dad and he says "does gannon have one of those?" i said no then he says "well then he does now" so my blanket that i was relying on having for warmth on the island is in new orleans. but its all good b/c i figured something else out.
while ive been here i havent gone to the glenwood. i know that sharon doesnt hate me and i dont hate her either i just hate how she treated me in the end. but i kept thinking about her and miss sheri who had the antiques there and i wondered how miss sheri was doing b/c shes had cancer for a very very long time. well at aunt di's she had a newspaper clipping of an obituary and it was miss sheri's. so i decided to go by and see how sharon was doing before i went home. shes doing pretty well and im really glad i stopped by. everyone that worked there when i did has since been fired for various reasons (makes me glad i left before she could fire me). and her boyfriend is in the process of turning the big back room into an apartment for her. its not done but part of it is which makes it livable. its actually quite nice.
is it just our age? is it just that we're more aware now that people can and do die? or is it really that more people have died in the past 6 months than ever before not counting plagues and massacres? i feel like its everywhere. in north carolina several of my aunt and uncles friends died recently, and my friends from the vineyard are all mourning some person or another. i come back home and death is rampant here as well. i know its a fact of life but why so much in so short a time? why cant we have a little grace period? i just i dont understand. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2005|02:28 pm] |
|
well papa and i went to get my camping equipment today. he bought me a lantern, but decided that the battery ones would eat the batteries too quick so we got propane. i'm a little worried but he said its easy. and its not like id be using it in my tent very often. and speaking of my tent, the ones at sams werent good enough so we went to target and after much deliberation of me wanting the little red one he finally talked me into getting the bigger one with the porch. yes kimmy i got the one you wanted me to get. i did not get an airmattress b/c when we went to look at them at sams there was this camping cot thing with a fold up mattress thing. and we discussed the pros and cons of both and decided it would be better for me to be higher off the ground on something that wouldnt wear-out over time as opposed to having a larger surface-area for sleeping. then we got plastic drawers and storage containers, tarps for the ground, two plates two bowls, two cups, a set of plasticware, a pocket knife, and a can opener from the dollar store. we also got ranch style beans and tuna at sams :) i didnt mention some of the little things here, but rest assured i got every little thing i needed. and i managed to justify my prior 300 dollar target charge. he kept telling me i needed stuff like bandaids, a first aid kit, caladryl, toothbrush containers, ibuprofen, other meds etc. and i got to tell him that i already got all that stuff and socks and underwear. (notice how i called mollies purchases socks) but anyway thats it and now mollie is breathing down my neck b/c she wants to burn some cds. and i have to get dressed and do some packing and laundry before i go teach rosie how to use her cell phone. shit ive only got an hour. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2005|03:58 pm] |
so pop and i were sitting in the living room today and i guess he figured out im selling my car to get him off my back (not that it was hard to figure, but i get my stubborness from him you know) and he asked how long kimmy had until she graduated. i told him she just changed majors again and that shed be out in two years. and then it happened. he asked me the question he's been dying to ask but was afraid too, and actually listened to my answer. he asked why i didnt want to go to college. so i told him what ive been trying to tell him since i dropped out. i said i didnt know what i want to do. i didnt then and i dont now. i'd like to figure it out and i am trying, but its a process. i told him i knew that if i try to go back to school right now it will end just like it did before b/c i have no motivation if i dont know what im working for. i explained that i havent completely ruled out a four year school, its just that i dont know yet and i get very tired of having to deal with everyone and their mother trying to pressure me into going back when im just not ready. he sighed and said he guessed that made sense, he just wants me to move toward a career choice b/c life is expensive and he doesnt want to have to see me struggle. i said that was fine, but i'd really appreciate it if he let me figure things out on my own and deal with my own life as it comes to me. he sighed and said whatever and went and took a nap. i have no doubt in my mind that my issues with him are not over, but maybe ive bought myself a little time.
and on a lighter note:
I GOT A NEW CELL PHONE! it has a camera and it flips! and when you dial 911 it makes a siren sound! but it wont lets me set my own sound bites as ringtones :( |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
toomuchdrama's journal